As we reach the winter months and reflect on the year behind us, we are reminded of the importance of community, connection and compassion. At Alpha Vesta, our mission remains unwavering: to break the cycle of domestic abuse through awareness, prevention and early intervention and we are grateful to our continued funders that share our vision, investing in a future free from domestic abuse.
As we approach Christmas, many of us think of celebration, connection and time spent with the people we love. Yet for others, the festive season can be a very difficult and stressful time of year facing fear, isolation and the pressure to keep everything “perfect” to avoid conflict.
Research shows us that two-thirds of domestic abuse–related incidents involve current or former intimate partners, while one-third involve other family members, such as parents, siblings, adult children or extended relatives. We know that Christmas is often a time when families spend more time together therefore it can be a season of increased risk across all forms of relationships.
It is also a time when alcohol is flowing, routines change, emotions run high and families are indoors far more than they would be in the summer. For anyone living in an unpredictable or volatile home, the pressure of keeping the peace—and keeping everything “just right”—can be overwhelming and exhausting.
However, those using harmful behaviours don’t always fit the stereotype of someone who loses control, drinks or becomes violent – they can also be;
the one who appears charming, generous and sociable
the “life and soul of the party”
the person everyone praises for hosting or entertaining
whilst their victims, children, and pets live in a state of fear, hypervigilance and anxiety. The controlling and coercive person doesn’t need alcohol to be harmful—they need control. Keeping up a façade of a “perfect” family Christmas in front of relatives, neighbours or guests can be exhausting for the person using harmful behaviours, and once everyone has left, that façade can drop quickly.
In homes affected by domestic abuse, even the smallest imperfection can become a trigger. Somehow, the victim is made to feel it is all their fault and every detail of the day can become a source of criticism – the presents that were bought, how much people drank, things that were said, dinner not up to scratch, mess left behind, children being spoilt or eating too much.
SETDAB Christmas Campaign – Behind the Smile
This Christmas, the SETDAB partnership is using its “Behind the Smiles Campaign” to raise awareness that domestic abuse can hide behind smiles. The campaign aims to raise awareness that domestic abuse is not just physical. It challenges assumptions and aims to help people recognise that domestic abuse doesn’t always look the way you might expect it to. It acknowledges that victims may present differently to the outside world whilst experiencing abuse behind closed doors. SETDAB invite you to share these much-needed resources across your channels.
What Can I Do? Here Are Our Festive Four Steps
- Step 1: Be There to Listen
Let someone know you’re available if they need to talk. Sometimes, people simply need reassurance that someone is willing to listen—without judgment or interruption—and that they’re not alone. - Step 2: Regularly Check In
A simple “Are you okay?” can open the door for someone to share how they’re feeling. It’s a small gesture that can make a big difference. - Step 3: Agree on a Safe Way to Ask for Help
If they open up to you, agree on a specific word, message, or emoji they can use if they need help. Be clear on what “help” means (e.g. calling the police or contacting a family member). Make sure this is discussed face-to-face, as someone else may have access to their phone. - Step 4: Help Create a Safety Plan
Encourage putting a safety plan in place, including an emergency contact, an escape route, and a small emergency bag with important documents and key numbers. This can provide reassurance and practical support in a crisis.
Know When to Call for Help
If someone is not in immediate danger, calling the police without their involvement could increase risk.
If they are in immediate danger, 999 is the right response.
If the situation is concerning but not urgent, encourage them to contact a domestic abuse specialist service.
Understanding that domestic abuse affects both intimate partners and wider family relationships helps us recognise risk where we may not expect it. At Christmas—when tensions, pressures and expectations run high—our awareness can genuinely prevent harm.
By checking in, noticing the signs, offering quiet support and knowing how to respond, we can help ensure that no one faces abuse alone this winter.
Thank you for reading and from all of us at Alpha Vesta we wish you a happy and healthy Christmas. We look forward to sharing important news on some of our new ‘fully funded’ projects in the new year where together we can all make a difference.
With warmest winter wishes
Lucy
Lucy Whittaker
Founding Director and Lead Trainer of Alpha Vesta CIC
